1. |
Glow-in-the-dark Stars
00:42
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i don't know what i'm doing all alone
i spend so much time at home thinking "maybe i should leave"
yeah i don't know what i'm doing all alone
so many people that i know that i'd really like to see
and everything looks better with the lights on
and everything feels warmer when the sun's still out yeah
everything is better than i think it is
but i don't know what to do about it
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2. |
Holes
02:38
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keep my body warm
that's all i care about
i leave my coat on when i'm inside,
avoid going out
i wrap myself in blankets,
always keep a pillow by my head
they say to keep your spirit full
and mind and body active
but my body feels too heavy
my thoughts all get too massive
i trip up on the carpet
every time that i get out of bed
they say to keep your friends close
but i'm really not that strong
when people say they love me
i just think of why they're wrong
connections that i build up
always will decay
just as i do
so i'm left with sliding down
cause i've lost track of what matters
the roads i put up guardrails
all get torn up after
so stay in isolation
and smoke til i'm concussed
it's what i need to do
cause your world's just what you're use to
and i don't want things to change
so all this efforts wasted
on being alive in a "better" way
i'll shave off different pieces
to fill in where there's holes
so no matter where i end up
something's missing
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3. |
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feeling dumb and drunk
and faded constantly
all this free time’s
overrated honestly
feels like I’ve always got fuck-all to do
but at the end of the day, it’s just like
none of this shit adds up
i wish that I could be awake
for all the crazy shit that happens to me
instead I wake up here in Pennsylvania
with a head full of thoughts,
saying I don’t really matter
bababa
nothing’s really changed in the past 2 years
guess I’ve got a bit of money but there’s so much to spend it on
so why can’t I get up and leave y’know
i can’t explain
there’s so much fear and boredom trapped between the folds of my brain
maybe you can come and run away with me
when I fall asleep forever and I live in a dream
we can make the best out of this dull routine
cause when I’m trapped inside this story,
there’s no such thing as boring
i’d do whatever it might take so I can stay
i can stay asleep
i never wanna be awake
cause life’s too much time and it’s too much work
i try to relax it makes it so much worse
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4. |
Wet Match
02:52
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parties fill the weekend
cause my friends are back in town
all that means for me's
a failed attempt to leave the house
so i'll cross a few names off the list
of folks i claim to know
and i'll spend all this time alone
cause it's so hard to see
the reason that someone would want me
why they'd still care
after i struggle to hold on
but it's right between my fingers
i just gotta clamp down
but my confidence grows weaker
with every twist that i'm unwound
so i'm staring into nothing
as i'm drenched in apathy
and wishing i could be the person
i pretend to be
but naturally i'm busted
forged by shaky hands
and every day i live with
how i'm trapped right where i am
cause it's so hard to see
the reason that someone would love me
why they'd smile at my memory
or how i'd even make them happy
but it's really not that different
from the fires that i burn
it's just never felt like something i deserve
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5. |
Hurricane
03:44
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so you finally put some time into wasting away
it’s so much easier that way
spending all this time inside is such a sober escape
it makes me sick to feel alive
the colors of your eyes they never made much sense to me
it’s like a cliche hurricane of hazelnut and green
and it’s always gonna feel the same
whether you’re walking out or running away
it’s always gonna feel the same
and you’re wasting all my time
but time is all I’ve got these days
i can’t even front it’s true
and i know I’ll never escape you
cause you had me
yeah you had me
everything I know has turned to something knew
the colors of your eyes they never made much sense to me
it’s like a cliche hurricane or hazelnut and green
the colors of your eyes they never made much sense to me
it’s like a cliche
like a cliche
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6. |
Dewey
03:10
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lying down in the grass i feel the ridges rub against my delicate skin
i zone out for 2 seconds and i forget who i've ever been
but maybe that way it's better off, i lost myself, doesn't matter where
so i can start fresh once i really care
if you gotta change
you gotta want it
if you gotta change
you gotta want it
but do i? do i wanna grow?
my actions would say i don't but you can't trust those
falling flat on my face into the rocks behind the fences in concrete yard
but it's late and i've been drinking so who knows if it left a mark
i'd like to think that there's benefits to reckless living though it doesn't seem that way
really i'm watching my life evaporate
if you gotta change
you gotta want it
if you gotta change
you gotta want it
but do i? do i wanna grow?
my actions would say i don't but you can't trust those
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7. |
Loading Screen / Big Sky
03:23
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are you sick of feeling alone
the way I’m sick of drawing all this blood from a stone
can someone tell me what you’re supposed to do
when you’ve used up everything that isn’t a dream
and when the skin on my wrists starts to crack
i’m scared it won’t grow back
my spine collapses right on top of itself
now it’s impossible to fall asleep
so I stay stuck on earth
trapped inside another story
there’s so many people I don’t talk to anymore
and I’m sure they don’t remember me
cause I’ve done nothing that’s worth remembering
so I’ll stop making excuses for myself
i know I might need help
spent so much time wishing that I was someone else
and now I’ve wasted my whole life
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8. |
12 Pool
03:14
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can anybody tell me
why I never pay enough attention
it’s like I’m always spacing out
and lately
it’s getting worse when I’m at work
and I can’t even tell if I’m stoned or not
like I’m a thousand yards away
i never really finish anything
cause I don’t have the strength to commit
and every time that I hang out with friends
i feel so alone
i think it would be nice
to ditch my family and friends
i wanna move some place
where they don’t speak English
no one would know how empty I am
i could stay inside and play videogames
and I’ll die when I hit like 40
it’d be so nice
yeah it’d be so nice
just leaving everything behind
i won’t miss anything
i wish that I could get along with other people
but my social skills are not that strong, so I keep on
looking at my phone in the corner at a crowded show
surrounded by friends of friends I barely know
spending all my time just thinking about
going home
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9. |
New Game +
02:55
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catching up with people that i see every day
cause a piece of me is always drowning somewhere in my brain
so the things we do together and things that they have said
just fall in and out
so i'll make it to a party
cause i'm trying hard to care more
tryna live up to "what friends are for"
but i leave you
with a chipped tooth
now i'll never fully like the way i look
little pieces in my mouth
how it feels to spit them out
permanence still hurts the way it always does
oh i wish that i could say it's something new
it's a physical reminder that i'm never through
with the stinging in my brain that comes with every mistake
that i've ever made
that i've ever made
the way my brain swirls
the way it never empties out
the way my chest burns
and it fails to settle down
the way it all swarms
i'm overwhelmed, i'm overwhelmed, i'm overwhelmed
but i leave you
with a chipped tooth
now i'll never fully like the way i look
all these kataphatic cries
prayers for change but lack of drive
can't kill all the memories that ruin me
i need a redo
no more chipped tooth
so things just might turn out the way they should
so with everything erased
a second chance i wouldn't waste
i could live the easier life i dream of
but drifting off will never be enough
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10. |
We Did It
02:11
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i’m kinda scared that I’ll never write anything real
but I guess it’s cool cause I guess we still need songs to dance too
but when I feel fucked inside my head
i can’t seem to get any words out
i should just give up
cause I’m not that deep
but when I lay down all alone
and my stomach acid burns my throat
well I know, I know, I know
i know that I should just get over it
so you can get on with it
i should just try and have a good time
it’s so hard to have a good time
i know that I should just get over it
so you can get on with it
i should just try and have a good time
it’s so hard to have a good time
and I should get over it
so you can get on with it
i should just try to have a good time
it’s so hard to have a good time
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11. |
What It Means
04:54
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you showed up in my dreams again
the same way that you have been
when i think about what happened
too much
it always ends up the same
you start facing away
then you turn, i see your face
then i wake up
and you're young again
back when we first became friends
a bat flew in my room again
i'm not used to frantic flapping
though it's the third time that it's happened
tonight
but it's never been done before
nothing's crawled under my door
i dropped down to the floor
as it took flight
and i'm searching for meaning in everything
so i'm calling it a sign
but what does this mean?
what can i make this mean?
i'm looking in
i'm separating every piece
but what does this mean?
what does this need to mean?
i'm looking around
this blinding light is locked on me
so why's this what i want?
why's this what i always want?
why is this what occupies my mind
when there's nothing going on?
i watched as this feeling grew
and hoped that no one knew
but hints slowly trickled out
little words slipped through my mouth
careful poems written hoping no one asked
what they were about
it's hard to keep it in
when it won't stop clawing
and i think of the last time i saw you
and i think of what a text could do
cause i think of the "see you soon"
that never came true
so our memories live on halfway
but they live on just the same
you've touched more lives than you would think
so why would i be different
today i realized that i don't wanna die anymore
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